Auto Classified Ad Translations

Standard

Used Car Classifieds Translations

If the ad says… it really means…

  • MUST SELL – before it blows up.
  • RUNS FINE – I was going to say “runs excellent” but I had a last minute attack of
    conscience.
  • NEEDS SOME BODY WORK – was side-swiped by a Winnebago.
  • Many new parts – I’m sick of dumping money into this broken down heap.
  • WELL-MAINTAINED – I occasionally changed the oil.
  • Appraised at $29,000 – By me.
  • Frame-off Restoration – The body actually rusted right off the frame.
  • Needs Front-End Alignment – Some serious frame-straightening wouldn’t hurt either.
  • Same Owner For Last 20 Years – I’d never dream of selling it unless it was as bad as it is.
  • LOOKS LIKE NEW – just don’t try to drive it anywhere.
  • ALL ORIGINAL – I never had anything fixed, adjusted, or replaced
  • LOADED WITH OPTIONS – each one more troublesome than the last.
  • NEVER SMOKED IN – unfortunately, that’s the best thing I can say about it.
  • PROJECT CAR – I can’t figure out how to finish it and I doubt you will either.
  • LOTS OF POTENTIAL – to drive you insane.
  • NEEDS MINOR REPAIR – doesn’t run.
  • ENGINE QUIET – uses 90-weight oil
  • PARTS CAR – beyond repair.
  • ROUGH CONDITION- too bad to lie about.
  • Must See To Appreciate – It’s a scientific mystery as to how a car with bad valves, a cracked block, and no bands left in the transmission can still get to the end of the driveway and back.
  • Needs Minor Work – Needs significant work.
  • Needs Nothing – Except a tow truck.
  • All Original – Except for the tunnel ram intake, Pro Stock hoodscoop, KMart sunroof, fender flares by Bondo, Krylon paint job, hurky air shocks, mohair upholstery, Pep Boy stereo, and pawn shop wheels.
  • Ready To Restore – After 8 years of abuse on the drag strip and 20 years in a field exposed to the elements, it is ready to be restored.
  • Easy Project Car – Completely disassembled, bring boxes!
  • IMMACULATE – recently washed.
  • CONCOURS – recently waxed.
  • NEEDS MINOR OVERHAUL – needs engine.
  • NEEDS MAJOR OVERHAUL – phone the junkyard.
  • BURNS NO OIL – it all leaks out.
  • REBUILT ENGINE – cleaned the spark plugs.
  • Minor Rust – Don’t sit down!
  • Major rust you can’t see –  I though I had it all covered with bondo, but you can still see some rust.
  • Low Mileage
    Only 170,000.
  • Runs Great
    Too bad it doesn�t roll.
  • Third Owner
    To see the light and get rid of this piece of junk.
  • Nice Stereo
    To overcome exhaust noise.
  • California Car
    And has been since it arrived from Cleveland three weeks ago.
  • DRIVE IT AWAY
    I live on a hill.
  • DRIVE IT ANYWHERE
    within 10 miles.
  • DESIRABLE CLASSIC
    no one wants it.
  • RARE CLASSIC
    no one wanted it even when it was new.
  • STORED 20 YEARS
    in a farmer’s field.
  • RAN WHEN STORED
    won’t start.
  • NEVER APART
    bolts too rounded to loosen.
  • SOLID AS A ROCK
    rusted solid
  • RESTORED, WITH 0 MILES
    won’t start.
  • RESTORED, WITH 2 MILES
    won’t stay running.
  • OLDER RESTORATION
    first owner washed it.
  • GOOD INVESTMENT
    can’t be worth much less.
  • NO TIME TO RESTORE IT
    can’t obtain parts.
  • 95% COMPLETE
    other 5% doesn’t exist.
  • CLEAN
    homeless dude at 5th and Main did the windows.
  • GOOD TRANSPORTATION
    It’s ugly as sin.
  • ENGINE BLUEPRINTED
    I don’t know what it means either.
  • EXCELLENT GAS MILEAGE
    It’s slow.
  • LOW MILES
    the odometer was turned back.
  • ONE OWNER
    can’t give it away.
  • SURE TO APPRECIATE
    that’s why I’m selling it.
  • OR BEST OFFER
    I’m guessing here.
  • FASTER THAN A ‘VETTE
    A Chevette.
  • OTHER INTERESTS CONFLICT
    spouse’s ultimatum: “Either that #!!@&## thing goes or I do!”

 

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