Are You A Serious Gearhead?


You know you might be A Serious Gearhead when:

  • The emissions test guy starts laughing as soon as you pull onto the rollers.
  • You can’t drive your car in the rain.
  • Your ‘significant other’ is afraid to drive your car.
  • Your ‘significant other’ won’t even ride in the car.
  • You are afraid to drive your car.
  • You carry earplugs in your car.
  • You wear earplugs in your car.
  • You spend more on tires than on food.
  • Your exhaust pipes are a larger diameter than your driveline.
  • Your fuel pump can be used to water a golf course.
  • Your engine idles at 2800 rpm.
  • News footage of cops chasing you is used as a training video at your state’s police academy.
  • You have ever argued with your wife over making the mortage payment or buying that new set of headers while they’re still on sale.
  • You spend more on car insurance than on house payments.
  • Your insurance company had to create a whole new actuarial table to cover you and your vehicle.
  • Your insurance agent sends ‘Thank You’ postcards from Tahiti.
  • You look in a state police car and see a picture of your car
    taped to the dash.
  • Your local DOT decides not to re-pave your street with that new rubberized asphalt because you’ve already ‘done such a good job.’
  • Your local city council has passed an ordinance making it illegal for you to even enter a school-zone unless you are on foot.
  • Traffic advisories are issued whenever your car is spotted during rush-hour.
  • Your mechanic names the new wing of his shop after you.
  • You consider ABS and traction control as options for the ‘driving impaired.’
  • You’re tempted to wear your fire suit just to drive to the
  • The local airport complains about the noise coming from your garage on Saturdays.
  • You arrive somewhere before you left.
  • You get pulled over for doing 155 in a 35 but the cops will
    let you go if "they can look under the hood."
  • You remove the $2000 stereo system to save 6 lb. of
  • You are not allowed to run in the Silver State
  • You get an anonymous phone call asking if you are interested
    in being in the Cannonball Run.
  • Your face looks like you are riding a NASA centrifuge when
    you drive the car.
  • You consider parachute braking.
  • There is no possible way to "sneak out" of your neighborhood
    at 6 am.
  • Your pets scramble for their hiding spots as soon as the
    garage door is opened.
  • Family photos throughout the house are replaced with
    life-sized posters of your car.
  • Fuel is delivered to your home in 55 gallon drums!
  • The only spot on the car which receives any regular cleaning
    is the windshield.
  • You find out that side mirrors don’t hold up at speeds
    exceeding 145 mph.
  • You watch the gas gauge go down visibly as you cruise along
    the highway.
  • The guys down at the informal strip won’t run against you
    without a 3 second lead.

*** This is dedicated to my buddy John T. ***


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